Let the Games Begin

After putting my blood work off for almost a week, I decided this morning that ignoring the test probably wouldn’t make the lymphoma go away. And although ignorance is bliss, I’ve come to the determination that blood work is the only way to ease my mind, or, confirm my suspicion.

So, being the responsible employee that I am, I interrupted my morning blog-hopping to find the lab’s number on google local. I then proceeded to dial those fateful numbers as I sipped my decaf and pulled the lab orders from my purse.

I stared at the doctor’s marks next to “Comp Metabolic Panel (14)” and “CBC w Diff Plt,” as an animated machine greeted me and rattled off a list of office hours, locations and an extended choice of menu options. I wondered why I, of all people, would need a test that fell under the “Organ Disease Panel” category. The machine became silent as I realized it had offered no “appointment” or “scheduling” option.

I disgustedly hit “0,” just like I knew I should’ve when I first heard that machine, and before I could cuss at the system any longer, a cheery man picked up the line.

"Gooooood Morning! Annnnd thank you, for calling LabCorp! How can I help you?”

“I need to schedule an appointment.”

“Ohhh, there’s no appointment necessary! Just come on in and we’ll get you taken care of!”

“Um, okay, and how long is this going to take?”

“Ma’am, I wish I could tell you it’d be instantaneous, but I can’t.”

“I realize that, but what are we talking here? Fifteen minutes? An hour?”

“An hour would be plenty! Come on in between the hours of 7:00 a.m. and 4:00 p.m. and we’ll get you’ll allllll squared away! Okay!?!”

“Okay, but I heard something on the recording about fasting before tests; is that something I need to worry about?”

“Fasting? No! That’s only for a few tests, what are you having done?”

“Comp…Metabolic…Panel (14)…”

“Oh. Well, yes. That’s a twelve hour fast.”

“Twelve hours? I’m also having a CBC w Diff Plt…"

“Oooh, that’s a two hour fast. But don’t worry, that Comp 14 fast is as long as it gets, that’ll cover any fast for any other tests you may be having. Just remember anytime between 7:00 a.m. and...”

Click.

I’m heading into the lab at 9:00 a.m. tomorrow, that means my fast begins at 9:00 p.m. tonight. I was so thrown off by the fasting detail that I didn’t even ask how long ‘til the results come in. I guess I’ll find out in the morning. Assuming, I don’t die from a heart attack (or lymphoma) in the meantime.