Thursday, July 12, 2007

Off to See the Beast

At 6:55 p.m. today, Rey and I will board a plane. Two hours and at least four drinks later, Rey and I will un-board that plane, and be greeted by none other than The Beast. We will then proceed to drive two hours to Bum Fuck, Idaho, where we will spend the next three days.

I have several concerns about this trip. The first is that the plane will crash. The second is that the car will crash. The third is that I’ll have some sort of medical emergency while the nearest hospital is more than an hour away. My fourth concern is that I’ll get lost and stranded in the wilderness, only to end up on “I Shouldn’t Be Alive” (which is an awesome show, by the way). My fifth concern is that I’ll be attacked by a grizzly bear. My sixth concern is that I’ll be bitten by a malaria infested mosquito. My seventh concern is that my mom will shoot me. My eighth concern is that an intruder will shoot me. My ninth concern is that I’ll get in a boating accident. My tenth concern and probably the only concern I should pay any mind to, is that my mom will live up to her nickname and be a complete and total bitch.

I’m not excited about the trip, even though I’ll get to see my brother and the house where I spent many summers and winters as a child. I’m really very anxious, to be honest. I spent most of the morning in a dream like haze and had a stroke around noon.

I’ll attempt to post using whatever hokey dial up internet The Beast has available, hopefully I won’t be in tears when I do. Although I guess that’d be better than plummeting to my death in a fiery plane or getting mauled by a bear. Will see what fate has in store…


SA D. said...

Have you considered writing down all the concerns you're having about the trip that is causing your anticipatory anxiety and then comparing the list to how things actually go?

I have an issue with perception, especially in how it related to predicting future events and their outcomes. I find that when I compare my "forecast" of how something might go to the actual reality of how it went upon reflecting back, I find that I worried for nothing.

Anyhow, best of luck with your trip. I hope it ends up being pleasant and even fun for you.


Addie said...

I know you've already left and likely won't see this until you get back, but I hope you have a great time and don't end up on "I Shouldn't Be Alive" (you're right, awesome show)and that the beast is less..well...beast-like than usual.
And I second Dave's suggestion, that would be a great idea!!

Lacy H. said... prayers upon you dearest...