Tuesday, May 22, 2007

You Ain’t Quittin’ Me

I’ve officially got a stalker. A thirty-seven year old, female, recently separated, legal secretary, stalker. My “friend,” as I’ve recently referred to her, is…um, fucking overwhelming. And it’s not that I don’t like her. I do. But, she’s preying on my passive aggressiveness. She’s knows I won’t say no. She also knows I will ignore her calls and knocks at the door, (unless she hounds me all week).

Forget the fact that I see this chick everyday; she’s now made it clear that her Fridays and Saturdays are reserved especially for me. Flattering! Oh, and, Rey can join us, “unless he feels too uncomfortable being the third wheel."

Need I remind you, it’s Tuesday, three days from Friday, four days from Saturday, and my weekend is already booked. I’ve been informed that if I don’t answer my phone, “[she] will hunt me down,” and “[she’s] not joking.”


Sean said...

Hmmm, sounds like it's time to call Dr. Joy Brown and get some advice on how to handle this broad.

I'd suggest you use your age to your advantage. At 37, I sincerely doubt she can keep up with you. Take her out to the club. Or take her to an intense aerobics class. Or to a Bikram yoga session. You get the idea. Wear her old ass out!

Addie said...

Oh man, I would not be able to take that. That's like a cardinal Addie rule...thou shalt not "inform" me that I have plans. There's no better way to freak me out/anger me than to make plans for me. My friends know that I'll happily go out with them...sometimes and at the time of my choosing. Sounds like it's time to practice your assertiveness and tell her you and Rey already have plans for a romantic evening one of those nights.
Very glad I don't have a stalker,

Leila V. said...

That would be this chick's dream! She plays volleyball on Mondays, softball Tuesday through Thursday and kickboxing on Saturdays. I'm worn out just writing that. She's like a walking ball of energy, (polar opposite of me)!

I feel the same way. I have enough anxiety without having to worry about the weekend all week. I should definitely practice my assertiveness, although I’m not sure I have any.

Sean said...

Oh. Excuse me. Maybe you should be glad to have her around. Maybe some of her vigor will rub off on you. I say you down a RedBull and see her at her kickboxing class this Saturday. Write a blog post about it. I can't wait.

Heather G said...

She needs a bloke. stat.

Leila V. said...

How about, no. I live this lifestyle for a reason.

lol! Maybe I’ll suggest that. Do you think she’d be offended?

Trish said...

Bad luck having a stalker who's in good shape. But then, I guess we couch potatoes are only a problem to our significant others.

You need a counter-stalker. Maybe Heather's onto something--you could sign her up for an online dating service.

Lacy said...

Leila...you want me to break out a can of whoop ass on her?

Cause, like, I totally will.

Leila V. said...

This might be hard for a fellow couch potato to understand but, she’s already doing online dating. She actually works in about two dates a week with the rest of her schedule.

lol. If you lived near me, I would take you up on that offer! ;)

Barbora said...

37 you say?

I want what she's havin'!