Monday, March 19, 2007

Pain for Sale

I have an assortment of pains to offer today.

I have face pain. Face pain under the left eye that cripples me when I yawn, tilt my head, sneeze or breathe. I’m thinking Trigeminal Neuralgia.

This face pain is accompanied by heart pain and knee pain. Both characterized by a deep aching; the knee constantly, the heart in thirty-minute intervals.

But it doesn’t stop there, I’m also being tormented by kidney pain, mole pain, breast pain, and tooth pain. Not to mention, sharp pains in the head and under the tongue.

But, it’s not all bad news, I actually think I’m making progress.

When I get a piercing pain through the middle of my heart, I don’t scream “heart attack,” I lean more towards “early sign of heart disease,” or “cheese clogged artery.” When I get an intense aching in my kidney, I don’t think “spontaneous kidney failure,” or “organ combustion,” I just think I’m headed down that road. Proudly, I’m finding myself opt for long term diseases more often than abrupt death. That’s what I call progress.

And this, my friends, is exactly what crazy looks like.


Lacy said...

progress is progress is progress no matter which way you slice it, sister. ;)

Leila V. said...

I like the way you think! It's all about perspective.

Barbora said...

Wow, Trigeminal Neuralgia! Sounds horrible although NOT fatal. This IS progress!

Leila V. said...

Still horribly painful, but not fatal. ;) After your post last night, I was on WebMD for about an hour, which was when I self-diagnosed Trigeminal Neuralgia.

They really have improved their symptom checker over at WebMD, it's worth a look...

trish said...

Truly progress, good for you!

Barbora said...


Darn it all! I’ve started to question my most recent self-diagnosis. Today I gave in to my insanity yet again and looked at pictures of oral thrush.

Sweet Jesus!!!

If I had something that looked that awful in my mouth, I’d either be in the emergency-ward or psychiatric-ward.

Perhaps I really should visit WebMD’s new and improved symptom checker before changing my diagnosis to Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia.

Leila V. said...

Thanks, Trish! It's all about baby steps. ;)

Now it's all I can do to resist looking at pictures of oral thrush! Although your reaction alone should be enough to keep me away.

Be careful over at WebMD, it seems like they got a few new and improved diseases to go with that new and improved symptom checker...