Sunday, March 18, 2007

The Many Faces of Leila V.

Not to say that I have multiple personalities, but one could persuasively argue that I do. I’m definitely no Sybil—which is a must see movie, if you haven’t already—but I’ve got a face for every occasion, a mask for every circumstance.

My lovely and unending faces resemble something close to the following:

  • Work Leila: At work, I do my best to project a calm and assertive energy, something I’ve learned through relentless study of the Dog Whisperer’s teachings. I’m very focused and down to business. I want my work product to be perfect. When approached, I go out of my way to be cordial. I want to be liked.
  • Home Leila: At home, I let it all out. I’m controlling, sensitive, sarcastic, and skeptical. I’m uneasy and antsy. I’m confrontational; I push Rey’s buttons for the fun of it. I’m overtly jealous. I know I’m liked.
  • School Leila: At school—although I haven’t taken a class in over a year—I’m as quite as a mouse. I’m insecure and unsure of myself. Once again, I’m very focused and preoccupied with being the perfect student. I want to blend in.
  • Leila with The Beast: Around The Beast, I’m anxious and passive. I’m overly sensitive and irritable. I’m insecure and guarded. I want approval.

Juggling so many faces is stressful, especially when worlds start to collide.

These faces cause a lot of anxiety because they reinforce the idea that the real me isn’t good enough. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know who the real me is. It’s almost like I become so fixated with projecting the image(s) I think other people want to see, that I loose myself in the process.

The funny thing is that most people are so busy trying to maintain their own image, that they couldn’t care less. But, even with that knowledge, it doesn't lessen the need to maintain my faces.

What a tangled web we weave...


tl23 said...


I think we all spend a lot of time doing that. I know I have often wished I could be just one person all the time and be comfortable with that, not worry about mixing people from different parts of my life, etc. But I'm pretty sure even the most "together" people emphasize different aspects of their personalities in different situations and with different people.

It does get better as you get older, though. You start to get more comfortable in the world, the different pieces of you come together a little bit and, of course, your brain gets crowded and you only have room for one personality. Yes, there are advantages to middle-aged brain.

By the way, good luck with your sticky situation with the work person, and congratulations on going out in the first place. Didn't you once post something about a person at work who just came right out and said "I'm not a party person"? Maybe you could take that as an example and tell your new friend you're only good for, say 1 night every week or two, but basically you're a stay-at-home type. Most people will either understand that or at least be polite about it. And you won't have rejected her or closed the door on future good times.

Lacy said...

relentless study of the dog whisperer...HAH! Do I ever love that Cesar Milan!

Leila V. said...

Thanks for the wise words. It’s nice to know the middle age brain will help slow down the craziness. ; ) I think I’ll take your advice with my “friend.”

Cesar rules!

Lacy said...

Uh, hell yes he does.

exercise, discipline, affection.
The keys to life.

Leila V. said...

No way! And here I thought I was the only one who applies his dog training techniques to my life!

I've also tried them on my cat, but that didn't work as well. ;)

Lacy said...

for realsies! It ain't nothin' but a lifestyle! *chuckles.

Did you see that one episode with the bright pink maltese? *shakes head*

I think all of a sudden these people are like..."WTF! Wait...I'M the human here! I call the shots!"

Leila V. said...

A pink Maltese? That's just cruel! I didn't see that episode, which is kinda surprising because when we first discovered the show we sat and had a serious Dog Whisperer marathon! My favorite episode was when Cesar saved the Boxer from being put to sleep.

Lacy said...

And it's even more amazing that he's never had any "training" with animals.

I think the pink maltese is the most recent season.

dave said...

OK ladies... Take your clucking outside.