My lovely and unending faces resemble something close to the following:
- Work Leila: At work, I do my best to project a calm and assertive energy, something I’ve learned through relentless study of the Dog Whisperer’s teachings. I’m very focused and down to business. I want my work product to be perfect. When approached, I go out of my way to be cordial. I want to be liked.
- Home Leila: At home, I let it all out. I’m controlling, sensitive, sarcastic, and skeptical. I’m uneasy and antsy. I’m confrontational; I push Rey’s buttons for the fun of it. I’m overtly jealous. I know I’m liked.
- School Leila: At school—although I haven’t taken a class in over a year—I’m as quite as a mouse. I’m insecure and unsure of myself. Once again, I’m very focused and preoccupied with being the perfect student. I want to blend in.
- Leila with The Beast: Around The Beast, I’m anxious and passive. I’m overly sensitive and irritable. I’m insecure and guarded. I want approval.
Juggling so many faces is stressful, especially when worlds start to collide.
These faces cause a lot of anxiety because they reinforce the idea that the real me isn’t good enough. Sometimes I feel like I don’t even know who the real me is. It’s almost like I become so fixated with projecting the image(s) I think other people want to see, that I loose myself in the process.
The funny thing is that most people are so busy trying to maintain their own image, that they couldn’t care less. But, even with that knowledge, it doesn't lessen the need to maintain my faces.
What a tangled web we weave...