Saturday, February 24, 2007

A Devil on Each Shoulder

Being a HP is something I’m accustomed to. An acronym that’s common around my house. It’s how I refer to myself when I don’t exercise. Or when I do exercise, but not enough. It’s what I am when I eat out. Or if I decide not to eat out. A HP - a Horrible Person.

I won’t let myself win. I feel bad for everything I do, and for everything I don’t do. The HP game is another manifestation of guilt in my life. It’s me using guilt to control my behavior. If I want to go out for dinner and a beer, I’m a HP because eating out is unhealthy and expensive and I should know better. If I don’t go out for dinner and a beer, I’m a HP because I’m a boring tightwad that can’t have any fun. Both arguments are potentially valid, but the point is that I should be able to make a decision that is not fueled by guilt.


Barbora said...

Have you ever read JD Salinger’s novel, Franny and Zooey? If you haven’t, I strongly recommend that you do. I enjoyed it more than the wildly popular Catcher in the Rye. If I can find it amongst my boxes of unopened, unpacked books, I will reread it myself.

Leila V. said...

I've read Catcher in the Rye, but never even heard of Franny and Zooey. I have a Barnes & Noble gift card sitting in my purse as we speak. I'll definitely check it out.