Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Back on the Wagon

Please excuse my recent absence, several days ago I discovered that OxyContin does not have to be used alone, it can also be paired with substances such as alcohol—which burns a hacked throat—and “greenery”—which does not burn a hacked throat, but depending on the time of day does make me think I’m dying of a heart attack.

Since that grand discovery, I’ve been diligently testing the results of the aforementioned substances, and through intense analysis have determined that each should be used individually, and in moderation, preferably when not recovering from a surgical procedure. But no worries, I’ve locked the juice in the safe and took a shower.

I’d like to say that those doctors lied. I did not loose ten to fifteen pounds from this surgery, I more like gained ten pounds, because all I ate for five days was KFC mashed potatoes and gravy, which apparently aren’t terribly healthy. I want their heads for false advertising; that whole weight loss schpeal is just a ploy to reel you in, don’t fall for it.


Barbora said...

Glad you're back among the living!

Sorry the whole weight loss thing didn't work out as planned.

I swear I've become food-obsessed. All I give a rats ass about lately is what wonderful, tasty treat is next....depressing.

Nikole said...

"greenery" = heart attack... Not good... Not a good feeling at all.

I hope you are back in the swing of things soon.. And by that I mean, drinking wine and eating burritos...

Woolly said...

Hi there,

Glad to hear you're on the mend.

I am completely unsure of blog ettiquite (just like I'm unsure how to spell that word) and have just linked your blog in mine. Is that ok? Am I supposed to get permission? If so, can I? and sorry to not have asked first. The readership is huge, ha ha so expect, I don't know, one extra reader.

I have previously commented under my real name but this time I'll stay undercover.

Leila V. said...

You don’t have to tell me about being food-obsessed, I’ve had the itch lately too. I think that this surgery is a pass to eat whatever I want as soon as my throat is healed, and I have a long list of what I’ll be gorging myself with. In any event, hope you kick the obsession soon.

Amen to that! You’re making my mouth water.

I’m honored to be linked to by you. ;) No asking necessary, at least not around here. And I love a good new blog, I can’t wait to check yours out.

Leila V. said...

Oh, and sorry for butchering your name.

Woolly said...

Here's my blog link. It's pretty suburban.


jymi1313 said...

hey, ive read alot of your blogs, actually all of them in the past few days. i recently got these scared because of a "brain tumor" behind my ear that threw off my balance. After i survived i could not use alcohol or "greenery" anymore....im pissed