Somehow, between the shower and the car ride to work, I attributed this sensation to loss of muscle control, which in turn became loss of bowl control. I proceeded to panic the whole twenty minutes to work about crapping myself in the car. Not panic as in I was worried. But, panic as in the core of my body was tingling and my inner voice was consumed with the urgency to be near a bathroom.
I arrived to the office without incident, but the drama continued. The bathroom became a non-issue, but before I could step out of the elevator, the ungodly neck pain was back.
Between 10:00-11:00 a.m., I became convinced that my future would be spent in a Stephen Hawking like existence, i.e. chin permanently glued to the chest. (I mean no disrespect, I fancy Hawking one of the great geniuses of our time).
This panic attack was monstrous. Usually, I can ride them out, this one was different. They typically last twenty minutes, this one lasted all day. A sure sign that it wasn’t a panic attack at all, but a side effect of muscle dystrophy/spinal tumor.
My neck doesn’t hurt anymore.
It was very disheartening for me to relapse this hard. I thought I was beyond the stage where impending doom could consume me for an entire day. What a blow to the ego. One step forward, two steps back.
(I think I know where all this panic is stemming from, but seeing as I've had six Sierra Nevadas, that post will have to wait until tomorrow).