Sunday, June 17, 2007

A Trip to the Scales

My digital scale ran out of batteries a couple months ago. Being the “adapter” that I am, I didn’t bother replacing them. I just carried on with my business the same way I did when the fridge light went out. I’m a simple girl, I don’t need those luxuries.

And, so I carried on, in bliss, for several months without a scale or fridge light; not having to look at the science projects in my fridge or the numbers on the scale. Until yesterday that is, when Rey returned from his shopping trip with AAA batteries and light bulbs.

And so my happiness was shattered into a million pieces.

At first I thought the purchase was a kind gesture. Then I stepped on to the scale, and saw the numbers 1-5-0 appear on the screen. It was then that I realized he was the most evil person on the face of the earth.

150 pounds. One hundred and fifty pounds. 1. 5. 0. Not three months ago, I weighed 135. I’m in shock! I have no idea how this happened! But I’m lying, I know exactly how it happened: daily super burritos and six-packs of beer since long before I can remember.

So, in an attempt to get back my girlish figure, I’ve made a vow not to eat burritos or drink alcohol during the week. But meanwhile, I feel thoroughly depressed. Like a fat old slob. And so I’m posting the below YouTube (courtesy of Lacy), to remind me that we’re all different and beautiful in our own ways, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it.


Sean said...

Wow!! You're a fatty. I weigh a svelt 155lbs at 5'11" (6ft even on a good day).

Actually, I'm a fucking stick figure and can't get a pound to stick even if I didn't go to the bathroom for a week. Plus there's more of you for Rey to love. And them skinny bitches never enjoy life. They never have any fun. It's all apple this, whole wheat that, skim here, soy there, and organic up the Wazoo! Get you some Baskin Robbins' Pistachio Almond by the hand packed pint and call it dinner. Trust me, I don't think the Dairy Queen weighed any less and she's still queen.

Leila V. said...

Rub it in, Sean. Rub it in.

You can't gain weight because you're too busy playing basketball games back to back to back.

I actually love soy and am a healthy eater for breakfast and lunch, it's just dinner I have a problem with. That and I'm a drunk, which apparently isn't good for your figure.

Sean said...

I'm a drunk too... if I could just afford more beer. And there's a woman in and out of my life who's opposed to the whole drinking alcohol before... doing things thing. But I still can't get the beer gut. Alls I'm saying is that as an American, it is your perogative to enjoy the spoils of capitalism. Just look at it as you being happy.

Lacy said...

I know the "just stepped on the scale after a long time, omigod what just happened-pick self up off floor" feeling.

Rock on with your bad self for some self encouragement though. ;)

Leila V. said...

Thanks! I don’t know whether I should be on the scale everyday or never again.

Yo pudiera comprar camisetas personlizadas, si yo tenia dinero, pero gracias.

Sean said...

Que shame!? Eu encontro estes pedidos shameless para visitas a umas blog ou adverts para os t-shirts customized que faltam seriamente no tact. Eu sinto-o necessário informá-lo que todos que as companhias como a celebridade local.

Saia de Leila! Você É Brazilian?

Leila V. said...

What you didn’t know I was from Brazil?

Honestly though, that last phrase was the culmination of my one semester of Spanish at the junior college. I think this is the first time I’ve gotten one of these little advertisements disguised as comment. Did they notice this was an English blog?

Sean said...

Hee hee! I don't know shit myself. My MacBook has a translator. I think you should just delete the comment. And all these comments about that comment. Ad comments suck.

Anonymous said...

I only WISH my hubby would buy practical things such as batteries and light bulbs.. He is not allowed to shop as he brings home Ben & Jerry's and any candy he can get his hands on! Tell Rey there is no more shopping for him, unless it's for beer ;).

You inspired me to bust out my scale...By the grace of god the batteries were dead, which is indication of how infrequently I use it!

Since misery loves company, I'll join you in the "no burritos/booze" during the week gig... After putting back a case of Corona over the weekend, and eating nothing but taco's for the past week - I would say it's about time!

P.S. I made it back from Texas and no signs of TB yet.... Emphasis on yet....What ever happened with that dude?
*Cough cough*

Leila V. said...

Did I say no booze? Because I meant no beer/hard liquor. Wine, on the other hand is completely acceptable. I have a three glass limit a night. Burritos, or tacos in your case, are under no circumstances, except for Fridays and possibly Saturdays.

DO NOT put batteries in that scale! I repeat DON’T do it. It’ll just lie to you anyway.

Glad to hear you made it back minus TB. I don’t know where that guy ended up, but I do, however, know where Paris Hilton is.