Friday, January 05, 2007

They’re Baaaccckkkk

Not that they were ever really gone, I suppose, but now that the holidays are over and the social anxiety has subsided a bit, the panic attacks and hypochondria are in full swing.

I’m in a constant state of, “OH MY GOD, I’M HAVING A HEART ATTACK.” Every time I turn around it’s a racing heart, tight chest, loss of breath, blurred vision, numbness in the limbs, confusion, shooting pains in various parts of the body.

I feel like I’m living in a permanent state of hypersensitivity—or as Rey would say, “sissy-ness.” Every little pang and twinge stops the world and takes me seconds from death. If my eye twitches, it’s a heart attack. If I have trouble swallowing, heart attack. My foot falls asleep, heart attack. I feel myself breathe, heart attack.

It’s insane. I must have had fifteen heart attacks last night. And what kills me is that I really believe, I mean believe, that I’m having a heart attack each time. I just want to punch myself in the face for being so dense.


Anonymous said...

I feel your pain in a way that I have a problem with even telling my wife. She's so wonderful and loving, but she can't understand, like anyone that has never had panic attacks or GAD, how bad it can be. Thanks to reading what's happening to you, I've decided not to go to the hospital this time. Man, this sucks...

Leila V. said...

Whoa, whoa too much pressure. Any abnormal aches and pains should be immediately reported to your doctor. ;)

Glad I could be of assistance, (I hope).