Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Good Old Fashion Logic

Today was an okay today. Actually, it was a good day; aside from the agonizing chest pains and dizziness that plagued me through the afternoon.

I handled the first round well. I had my new coping techniques, and I tried to “float” through the stabbing chest pains. I tried to accept the pain and dizziness for what they were – pain and dizziness, not heart attack and death. It worked.

I was proud. I was so proud, I called Rey to tell him I was cured.

I lied and I jinxed myself.

Not thirty minutes later, pain again. Sharp, shooting pains. Shortness of breath. Dizziness. More sharp shooting pains. I tried to float. It wasn’t happening. I tried to breathe. Also, not happening. Then just like that, it went away.

I was so relieved. For about fifteen minutes, that is, when suddenly, right in the heart, sharp shooting pain, then dizziness…

And, that was pretty much how I carried on for the next two and a half hours, until I couldn’t take anymore and ran to tell someone about my unfolding saga.

Keep in mind this woman is under 40, as she looks at me so matter-of-factly and says, “It’s gas pushing on your rib. You need a good fart.”



Kristen P. said...

I think you should totally be proud of yourself! You did for 15 minutes - you just allowed things to be the way they were! I bet that's the first time in a while. Even if it was only 15 minutes it was SOMETHING and that means A LOT. I think it gets easier with time. Just keep practicing. I think at first, sometimes the techniques we use don't work because we have such a long history with the stupid panic monster - its hard to disidentify with it. I'm so glad you're starting to find some relief. Keep it up! It is inspiring!!!

Leila V. said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Kristen! It did feel good while it lasted. And I think it's important to acknowledge progress, even if it is only baby steps.

Your right about it being hard to disidentify after so long. The panice becomes engrained in us, like it's part of who we are...

CffShpGrl said...

WTG girl! Its a step forward! I used to have panic attacks that lasted days non stop. I had one foot in the door to the looney bin. I still suffer anxiety and panic attacks but they are shorter, usually 15 mins sometimes if I am worrying a lot a few hours. You did good. Give yourself a hug.


Leila V. said...

Thanks for the encouragement, Michelle! The panic attacks are way easier to manage when they don't last as long. I can't even imagine a multiple day attack, I think my max was probably 3-5 hours.