Saturday, January 13, 2007

My Brain: Starring in "The Computer Dilemma"

Everyday at 5:00 p.m., I gleefully exit the office and thank God that I’m one day closer to the weekend. And everyday, just like clockwork, when I hit that elevator button to take me out of my misery, my brain goes into a psychobabble of, “holy-shit-did-I-forget-to-log-off-my-computer,” which resembles something close to the following:

Huh, did I log off my computer?
I think I forgot to log off my computer.
I wouldn’t forget that.
But, if I did, the janitors will see it.
If the janitors see it, they’ll use it to go on the net.
If they go on the net, they’ll look at porn.
If they look at porn, IT will find out.
If IT finds out, they’ll think I’m a perv.
If they think I’m a perv, they’ll tell my supervisor.
If they tell my supervisor, I’ll get fired.
If I get fired for being a perv, no one will hire me.
If no one hires me, I won’t be able to pay my bills.
If I can’t pay my bills, I’ll have to live on the streets.
If I live on the streets, I’ll become a drug addict.
If I become a drug addict, I’ll die a lonely death and no one will care!!!

(It’s about here, that the elevator doors open. And, I shamefully mumble a lame, “I forgot something,” and turn to reenter the office. I get to my cube, which is adorned in, “PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH THIS DESK” signs, and as usual, find my computer safely logged off. Once again, I attempt to exit the office, but as I leave…)

Hmm, was my computer really logged off.
I saw it. It was definitely logged off.

But, I was in such a hurry, what if I just thought it was logged off.
If it wasn’t logged off…

Well, you get the picture.


Anonymous said...

ahh I understand your pain. I hate having that doubt but it's sorta funny how quick your mind links to all those things. It's oka, I always do that when I think..did I lock the door, shut off the stove, brush my teeth....

Kristen said...

Hey Leila,

I was wondering if you're finding this whole bloggin experience therapeutic? I was thinking of trying it....


Leila V. said...

Good Morning Kristen:
I would definitely recommend it. It's very therapeutic, not only to be able to verbalize your thoughts, but to be able to look back on them and put them in context.

If you do decide to start a blog, let me know, I'd be interested in reading.

Kristen P. said...

I did decide to start is the link:

Bashakella said...

actually, i ve been meaning to ask you about your experiences as a legal assistant. i ve always lived on the verge of, or in the middle of, hypochondria as well, and now that i started to work as a legal assistant, i feel like the anxiety is coming out in weird ways. i keep thinking i mailed the wrong documents to the wrong clients, that i ll get fired and sued, etc etc. have you had similar problems?

Leila V. said...

Oh, I can't tell you what agony I've put myself through obsessing on mailings and formatting issues. It got so bad that I couldn't enjoy my time off.

But then I came to the realization that, (a) I'm grossly underpaid, and (b) any mistake that can made, has been made and can be fixed.

Leila V. said...

Speaking of mistakes, I meant to say, "any mistake that can (be) made, has been made..."

Great, I wonder what other typos I made today!