Monday, October 29, 2007

The Perfect Excuse

I could be brainwashed by the relentless media coverage of drug resistant staph infections, but I’m fairly certain I’ve contracted (HA) MRSA, i.e. Hospital Acquired Methicillin-Resistant Staphylococcus Aureus.

It’s the pussing sore in my right nostril that tipped me off. I’ve had it ever since my tonsillectomy two months ago, and according to the Mayo Clinic, it’s in the hospital—during tonsillectomy-like procedures—where most of the 1.2 million MRSA infections a year are contracted.

Also according to the Mayo Clinic, there are four major risk factors for contracting the hospital acquired version of the strain:
  • A current or recent hospitalization;
  • Residing in a long-term care facility;
  • Invasive devises; and
  • Recent antibiotic use

Need I remind everyone that I had a recent hospitalization and that I was pumped with antibiotics twice a day for two weeks following that hospitalization? That’s exposure to two out of four factors. That’s not good. But what’s even worse is that I have the number one symptom of the infection; a painful, pussing wound, in—of all places—my nose, (the unfortunate body part where the majority of staph bacteria are housed).

But that’s not all, in the last couple days I’ve developed a cough. Now, this could be attributed to the two and half packs of Camel Lights I smoked this weekend, or more likely, to the advancement of my MRSA infection, which often kills people by infiltrating their lungs.

And as a side note, this (HA) MRSA is the perfect reason not to go to the hospital for my colon cancer/hemorrhoids. If I don't already have the "super bug" (as the news agencies so lovingly call it), which I most likely do, I'll surely get it by trekking into the doctor's office and having an "invasive device" shoved up my rear.


Sean said...

This is Leila being facetious, right? Didn't we already tell you that a trip to the ass MD was fun?

And you smoke Leila? Really? Like, outside of the cheeba cheeba y'all? You're kidding me, right? You really smoke? As a hypo, why comes you don't mention lung cancer as often as you mention brain tumor? Get off the smokes girl! Whatever it takes. Need help... it's there, ad nauseum. Okay, enough scolding. You know you're great right!!!! No joke, you're the best blogger around. Kick the habit and take it in the rear for the team.

Leila V. said...

Call off the dogs, I am not a smoker. Well maybe a social smoker but not a regular smoker. I had smoking company and a particularly long night of heavy drinking.

Sean said...

Cool. Phew.... glad to hear. That smoker's cough eerily resembles the death rattle if you know what I mean. Dogs at ease!

By the way, smoking weakens your immune system and makes you incrementally more susceptible to opportunistic infections.

With that said, you're the ma'am... now go get that ass looked into.

rick said...

leila, from one hypo to another...its probably not MRSA. Also, MRSA doesnt always kill..only yo ucan get it and more than likely still make it out ok. But you dont have it.

I'm having my colonoscopy this Monday (Nov 5). I'll let you know how it goes (if you want to know). Im not nervous about the nervous about the colon cancer diagnoses that will follow. The GI doc assured me hes 99.9% positive its not colon cancer...that its hemroids or a fissure (eww). sure! 99.9% works for me! NOT!!!!!!

also, one path ive been going down personally to try and stop my hypo-ism is to try and accept death. Have you tried this approach ? Trying to come to terms with you're own appending doom, whether its tomorrow from brain rupture or 80 years from now of old age...if you have i know i, and possibly others would be interested in how it went for you, if you'd be willing to share.

thanks for your blog!!

Leila V. said...

I definitely want to hear how it goes. And no 99.9% is not comforting, it’s the .1% that scares the hell out of me.

Anonymous said...

ugh - so i finally meet another smoking hypo like myself. your blog is amazing - i just found it in my search wondering if cancer fears are major in hypochondria (uh - duh). thanks for giving me a few moments of knowing that i'm not really dying...