Monday, October 15, 2007

I Should Have Saved the Last Post’s Title for Today

I have colon cancer and a tumor in my neck and brain. I realize how ridiculous this sounds, but despite the absurdity, I am wholly convinced that I display symptoms for each.

I’m not going to elaborate, other then to say I’m freaking the fuck out. I can’t hear or see with my right ear and eye respectively, and I have shooting pains coursing through the left side of my neck. (I refuse to elaborate on the colon cancer symptoms, but trust me there’s not a more fitting diagnosis).

Excuse me while I go try—for the second time tonight—to convince Rey to take me to the emergency room.


Sean said...

I've got the colon cancer too. And I'm not elaborating either. It's not so bad though, I'm sure Darryl Strawberry is still around somewhere doing lines with O.J.

DyingToday said...

im in colon cancer mode here as well.
i will elaborate only slightly and say that i see a little blood where there probably shouldnt be. Im so freaked out right now!! and everyone is telling me to not worry about!!

woolly said...

Colon cancer under 40 is rare rare rare. You're not that special.
I read that someone under 40 with colon cancer symptoms is less likely to have it than someone over 50 with no symptoms at all. I found that reassuring, hope you do too.

I've found running to have reduced my hypo tendencies significantly. Not that I'm offering unwanted advice or anything. I've walked for exercise for years but it obviously wasn't enough.

Good luck you.

Leila V. said...

Oh, the blood! I didn't want to mention it, but now that the cat's out of the bag...How can they say it's nothing to worry about!?! If it's not colon cancer, it's gotta be organ failure/malfunction, or internal bleeding. I know I'm doomed, I guess that makes two of us.

Leila V. said...

I hear running is bad for the joints. ;) And no, it's not reassuring, they say the same thing about breast cancer, and I've got that.

woolly said...

Sorry that didn't help. Thanks for the comment on my blog though.

What would help? A list of things I was irrationally convinced I have had over the years? Medication recommendations?
Leaving you to obsess in peace?

Tobey said...

Leila, Please email me at We want you for a segment on hypochondria and using the web to self-diagnose. I emailed you at your Yahoo account, but may have ended up in Spam.

Thanks, Tobey at NPR

Sean said...

But colon cancer and breast cancer are both fixable. They cut out sections of colon and they cut off breasts. Then, you can go prosthesis shopping. It's unlikely that you've got either, as we both know, but in the extreme and extremely rare case that you do... a little nip and tuck and you're back in business.

And the blood in the bowel movement thing is pretty common. I think about the worst it could be is a perforated colon... but don't think about that. It's likely you had a really big/bad elimination that tore some flesh. That's nothing at all as our immune systems are quite secure in that area and infection is highly unlikely.

Leila V. said...

I'd love to hear your list. Lay it on me, I need some new material. ;) But never leave me to obsess in peace.

You're a wealth of information, although you make prosthesis shopping sound a lot more fun than it probably is.

Journey to our Ukrainian Angel said...

Oh yay the dreaded colon cancer. Yup. Me too. I am 40 and had The Bleeding also.

You would think I would run to the doc but I dread dread dread The Colonoscopy Referral (I am mostly not happy about the sedation part. I HATE any kind of sedation!)

So yeah. I am terrified I have colon cancer as well. Great fun, isnt it?

Anonymous said...

this is very good for you, ybg :)