Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Afflicted

First of all, I must apologize to my blog, because if it were the French Bull Dog I’ve been so yearning for, it’d be dead in the back yard right now.

Second, I’m dying. And not that it did, but my absence was not meant to convey a period of wellness. Actually, it wasn’t meant to convey anything at all, except that I’m a lazy procrastinator. Writing hasn’t been all that appealing to me lately. In reality, nothing has been all that appealing, except for drinking, so that’s what I’ve been doing; throwing back bottles of wine amidst fits of hypochondria.

Among other things, I’m wholly convinced that my eye ball is going to explode at any moment. Over the past week, I’ve been experiencing severe pressure in my eye cavity whenever I move my head, blink or bend down. It essentially feels like being repeatedly hit in the face with a baseball.

Also, I’m suffering from what I’ve determined to be Multiple Sclerosis or Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, due to the crippling pains that have been plaguing my arms. I’m talking stabbed with an ice pick pains, that leave me in tears.

Oh, and I simultaneously have colon and cervical cancer.

So, um, yeah. Basically, I’m a basket case right now.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Have been reading your blog for some time now--suffer from hypochondria myself, and have been convinced over the years that I have had any number of dire maladies. Your postings really help-please keep writing! Did you ever go to the doctor for the bleeding problem? I had a similar scary experience with hemhorroids several months after I gave birth. It took a while and some diet changes (lots more fiber!), but they cleared up completely in a few months, and only flare up when I neglect my fiber intake. Best regards.

Sean said...

Welcome back Leila! We love you. Happy Chanukah; go Dreidel! And all that other good stuff. Big hugs.

Barbora said...

French Bulldogs are wonderful! Mr. Twister used to have a French Bulldog buddy at dog park in CA. Those two were SUPER high energy.

Sorry you're ailing. The eye pain sound kind of like sinus stuff.

I'm getting over a wicked sinus infection myself at the moment and know the pressure and pain oh too well.

Leila V. said...

Barbora:
Oh my God! How the hell have you been? It's great to hear from you! I was actually leaning towards sinus infection myself.

High energy is not what I want in a dog; maybe I should rethink the breed of my next victim.

***
Sean:
Same to you. The holidays suck ass.

***
Anonymous:
Thanks for the kind words. I never went to the hospital, I did however up my fiber and alcohol intake. Although, I'm fairly certain that what I have is colon cancer, not hemorrhoids.

Woolly said...

I know you're making light of things but why don't you try some medication. It truly can't hurt and could fix you up. I hate to think of the years I have spent worrying over health issues that came to nothing. I'm like a reformed smoker, wanting to save you from all that needless grief.

I found 5 weeks of aropax cured me. Stayed on it for 6 months, took up running, and have been fine ever since (apart from small bouts here and there).

Your eye pressure is most likely allergies or sinus infection.

Great to hear from you even from your death bed.

tournesol said...

Hi Leila,

I myself have not been around much either, no particular reason. The eyeball thing, does sound like sinus, or maybe an eye infection. If it is the latter, there are antibiotics for the eyes, in the form of drops and they work wonders. Hot compress(hot wash cloth) for quick and easy pain releive. Wow, I have experienced the ice pick type pains on and off for years, and have had every test known to man, well-close anyway....and nothing. Its smelly, but Tiger balm or mentholatum work wonders for those kinds of aches and pains.(Combined with generous amounts of alcohol as you have stated!) I hope you are feeling better soon.

Miss A said...

Hey!

I suffer hugely from hypochondria...
I just wanted to say that your blog seriously lifted my spirits last night. I've been suffering from (apparently) fictious colon cancer for a while now - I've been really working myself up into a blind panic about it for the past few days - to the point where I've started 'accepting' I'm dying. I was browsing the net and I found your blog. It really lifted my spirits. I'm so relieved to find other's going through the same thing I am.

Reading your blog was really therapeutic. I've started my own, in the hope that maybe writing one myself will help me deal with it all!

Leila V. said...

Miss A.:
Misery loves company and I’m always glad to be of assistance. Blogging has helped my mental state immensely, I hope you have the same experience. I’d love to check out what you have to say.

Oh, and (fictitious) colon cancer is a real bitch, luckily I feel like I’m almost over my ‘bout with it, not to speak to soon.

***
Tournesol:
Good to hear from you! Thanks for the herbal medicine recommendations, I’ll have to try those out, (combined with large amounts of alcohol, of course).