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My mom is a psycho. I’ve said it here before, and I’ve said it a million other times in my life. But, what I’m starting to realize is my mom really is a psycho! Not an "I'm a teenager can't get along with my mom psycho," but a honest to goodness, full blown "get the straight jacket and call the loony bin psycho." She is now pretending to be my brother in email exchanges. Either that, or, I’m a paranoid schizophrenic, (both are entirely possible).

Just after Easter, I cut off contact with The Beast because I’m tired of her nasty emails, her manipulation tactics and her name calling, (see The Frumpy Old Librarian). I’m not in a mental state to tolerate her behavior; it takes me days to recover from a fifteen minute conversation with her.

Around the same time that I cut her off, I sent my brother the following email:

Hey Tony:
Just thought I'd write to say hello and see how things are going. All is good here, just working a lot and hanging out with Rey and Keno. I thought about you over Easter, and the time we got those huge stuffed ducks as Easter gifts! Hope you had a good one. I can't believe you're almost finished with your first year of high school! How's school treating you? Miss you!

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting a response, because typically, he doesn’t respond. But, to my surprise, I found this in my inbox the following day:

it's been treting me fine. the stuffed duck i got, i gave it to my gurlfriend. i miss u too. i also miss mom but im not aloud to talk to her. could u tell her i love her for me. thanks leila. bye

Flags started to go up immediately, because (1) check out the garbled English, which resembles very closely my mom’s language, and (2) the whole “tell mom” part is weird. But okay, maybe it is him, so I respond with this:

Hi Tony:
Glad to hear school's treating you good! High school can be tough, hang in there. Which girlfriend did you give it to? Seems like you've got a new one every time I talk to you!

You don't have to tell mom that you love her, she already knows. She loves you too, just like your dad does and I do. We all love you. Try not to let the divorce get in the way of your relationship with mom or Mike, it's between them and it doesn't mean either of them love you any less.

We went snowboarding today. It sucked. You didn't miss a thing. SSX is way cooler than the real thing!

Notice how I try to sum up the whole “mom” line of the conversation, and move on to other topics. Apparently, it didn’t work, (bear with me here), this is was what “he” had to say:

Leila im afried she's gunna guve up on me and i just don't know what to do

That was the email that sealed it.

I've mentioned before that my mom is in the middle of a nasty divorce and has basically depleted all of her money and inheritance in an attempt to make her husband of ten years pay for the hell he put her through by making her stay home and get supported.

Due to her spending, unemployment and $100,000+ divorce, she is now esentially forced to move out of the bay area, into a more affordable part of the country. And she just can't bear it because she doesn't want my brother to think "she's giving up on him."

She doesn't want him to think she's "gunna guve up" on him! The nerve!

But it gets better. There's no end to her manipulation. Not two hours after "my brother's" email, I receive this from The Beast:

Hello Leila:
What are you up to I have no heard from you hope your alright. Talk to Tony Sat he said you e-mailed him that good he looked OK . Hope to hear from you soon

XXoo
MOM

Oh, no, and it doesn't stop there. Last night I got a call, "wanting to know what my brother thinks about her moving."

Is there such a thing as a psychopath gene?