State of the Union

Really, Internet? I dare to take a minuscule nine-month break from blogging, and upon my return I’m greeted with links to incestuous porn sites, propaganda for the Ohio Lottery, and a lot of 効率 的に優れている (which, I’m assuming, means cheap Viagra in Chinese)? Not exactly a proper welcome, if I do say so myself.

Although, I suppose there’s an argument that I deserve it. Running off like that! Without a word. Getting married. Having a child. Buying a house. And making a major career changing move. If that doesn’t earn me a little Megan-Fox-in-a-Bra-Spam, I don’t know what will.

Aside from Chron’s, the limp caused by my knee tumor, and my struggle with HPV; life these last couple months has been good.

In short (with details to follow, I promise (read maybe))…

• The lovely and obnoxious Rey and I finally tied the knot. We eloped in Tahoe, Valentine’s Day weekend, then broke the news to our family with customized M&M’s. Needless to say, not everyone was amused.

• I am pleased to announce that I am the proud mother of a beautiful baby girl named Ming. She is 20lbs 2oz with an incredible fawn coat and a penchant for eating toilet paper.

• Behind the curve as usual, we bought a home; two blocks from our previous dwelling. And while one might think that that might make moving easier, one would be incredibly wrong.

• Lastly, I accepted large bags of cash to leave my cushy job at America’s snobbiest law firm for a quasi-government job (and I'm kicking myself in the ass for it everyday).

So there you have it, nine months summed up in four bullet points. Who said life was too short?

To all of you who took the time to write, my apologies for being too rude (and drunk) to respond. For those of you who took the time to spam, this middle finger’s for you.