Monday, December 15, 2008

One Small Request

Even though I take birth control religiously, and have done so for almost nine years, I have a creepy obsession with becoming impregnated, and pregnancy in general. Honestly, I’m half convinced that I’m pregnant right now, (which would be supported by this morning’s nausea and dry heaving around the house).

This may sound harsh, but pregnant women d-i-s-g-u-s-t me. And I realize how horrible that sounds, but come on, there is nothing “beautiful” or “glowing” about a swollen, waddling woman about to squeeze a spawn out of her peesh.

Although, it’s apparent that this belief is not supported by the masses, or the media, because I am constantly bombarded by pregnant women. For instance, how am I expected to ever purge from my mind the image of Kate (of Jon and Kate Plus 8) laying on her back with a ginormus stomach wrapped in saran wrap, or—and I don’t know which is worse—the image of her sagging stomach after popping out six kids. For heaven’s sake, I watched a C-Section this morning; I watched an eight pound screaming human cut out of a woman’s stomach. I’m scarred for life!

So, this post is simply to ask that the human race stop procreating, because really, it’s become quite a bother.


7 comments:

Sens said...

I only have one child and for a good reason....pregnancy is NOT beautiful...the motherhood cult may want you to think this...but its bullshit.

Sens said...

oh plus...who the hell wants 8 kids?

Leila V. said...

"The motherhood cult," I love it! I may try to pass that off as my own in the future.

I can't imagine having 8 kids, but I must admit I love that show. It's kind of like watching a gruesome car crash, (which is always fun).

Kevin said...

As a guy I can say that if it were up to men to have children, I would have been fixed long ago.

PS: Breeders Suck!

Woolly said...

Don't knock it till you try it. It only happens slowly day by day so by the time you're huge you are sort of used to it.

Best thing I ever did.

That picture is creepy though.

~*Jobthingy*~ said...

i loved being pregnant and love pregnant women. i am the first to rub any pregnant belly i can get my hands on without coming off as creepy girl

BUT.

yeah there is a but,

that kate shot scares me to death also.

LaureenM said...

Wow, harsh. Lets hope for this world you are NOT preg!