Thursday, April 24, 2008

Good News, and—of course—Bad News

I went to the doctor’s office yesterday to have the growing skin cancer on my thigh inspected. What started out about a month ago as what I thought was a zit, has steadily matured into a scaly, red, quarter-sized growth on my outer left thigh.

So, I did what any good hypochondriac would do; I called my doctor’s office and emphatically told his staff that I was dying of skin cancer. They reluctantly squeezed me in for yesterday afternoon.

I sat on the table, with pants off and shoes on, as the bald doctor hemmed and hawed over the growth on my leg. After about two minutes of inspecting my pasty extremities, he looked at me blankly and said, “I don’t know.” Which is when I was forced to take the lead.

“MRSA?”

Blank stare...

“Cancer?”

“No...”

It was about there that he ended the guessing game—and hold the phone—asked me if I wanted a biopsy. I nearly fell off the table! A doctor offering me a biopsy? There is a god!

Of course I denied, but only after he explained that the said biopsy would leave a huge gouge in my leg for an infection that could probably be treated with a course of anti-fungal cream.

Then he turned the game on me:

“Do you have a cat?”

Odd question but, “Yes.”

“Have you noticed any bald spots in her fur?”

“As a matter of fact, I have.”

“I think you may have ringworm.”

And there it is, the bad news.

5 comments:

Nikole said...

Ringworm huh? I came across a picture of that yesterday while attemptin to diagnose my son's rash on his face.
At least you don't have cauliflower ear ;).. I recall that going hand in hand with the ringworm.. If you're a wrestler!

HA! Get better soon. :)
Good to see you posting again.

It's all in my head.... hopefully. said...

Funny, I JUST went to the dermatologist yesterday for my "skin cancer." He was bald too, and said I had nothing of interest to him. Hmm. LOL.

NEVER let a dermatologist remove/biopsy anything. They routinely leave scars. One of my co-workers has several white scars on her face because she let her dermatologist remove basal cells. She now goes to a plastic surgeon who never leaves a mark. The surgeon will have whatever is removed biopsied.

Very sorry to hear about the ringworm. Stuff like that is why I never let my cat go outside... toxoplasmosis, fleas, tics, worms and, now, ringworm. Hope it clears up soon. I'm sure it will :)

Robert said...

A hypochondriac with a cat??? Do you realise how many infections cats can cause???

I think you're a closet masochist ;)

Ricky said...

i had ringworm when i was a teenager. its nothing. its like poison ivy. its itchy and you just keep putting cream on it till it goes away. no big deal.

coming from a fellow hypo.

stregoni3enefici said...

hello there !! im a hypochondriac and I smoke :( Oh well...I try to make fun of it but it's a living hell.

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