Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Not a Frog

Apparently I’m not the only one who’s a mere leap away from death. My blog is too, considering I’ve posted what…once this month, and it’s already the nineteenth. I suck. I know. I don’t have a good excuse, except that I’m dying of throat cancer. Oh, and my alcoholism has been replaced by seriesism (the obsessive watching of TV shows recently released to DVD).

But, back to the crux of the post; I’m dying. A few days ago, out of the blue, as I was sitting at my desk, minding my own business, and surfing the net on company time, I became “aware” of an “odd” sensation at the back of my throat. The sensation was similar to what I’d imagine a large marble stuck under the base of my tongue would feel like. So I did what any normal person would do:

I coughed.


It didn’t go away.


I coughed harder.


It still didn’t go away.


I panicked.


I had a near breakdown in the middle of my office—as I’ve been known to do from time to time—and sat at my desk for the next twenty minutes under my hand-held mirror trying to position my open mouth perfectly in the light so I could see the cancer growth that apparently isn’t there. (And this is probably too much information but, I even tried to wipe said invisible growth off with a wad of toilet paper, which, needless to say, was not one of my better ideas).


So there you have it, ever since that day, I’ve been convinced I have throat cancer. And I probably do and I’m probably gonna die.


A rip off of a post, I know. But you have to admit the five paragraphs netting sixteen words was good.

9 comments:

Janet said...

Well, I hope you don't have it because you seem to be really nice.

nakedlena said...

It's funny because I am just as obsessive but just about different topics.
I'm really trying hard to 'unlearn' this anxiety though, and really hypochondriasis must be all about anxiety too, and it's a lot of consciously being aware of your thoughts and then, of course, changing them.

You ever get any sort of help specifically for hypochondriasis (sp?)?

Dutcheyre said...

I find the best cure for my throat cancer is strong tea, and gargling WARM salt water. Not at the same time of course. If it feels mucus-y stay off the dairy for awhile and switch back to alcohol. It is a natural anesthetic right?!

Jobthingy said...

yeah im thinking the toilet paper was a bad idea.. wash it down with some wine

Woolly said...

I had this once and wasn't impressed by the doctor calling it "globus hystericus"
I convinced myself I couldn't swallow pills and that I had oesophogal cancer (a real bad one).
Needless to say, I didn't have it.
Good to hear from you although I was hoping the silence was because you were going through a good patch.

Melissa said...

I've had very similar things happen to me. For a while I was convinced I couldn't swallow correctly and I had throat cancer but I think it was just a symptom of anxiety.

It's all in my head... hopefully. said...

Glad to see you're back :) I sufferred from "throat cancer" for an entire fall my sophmore year of college... my throat still looks red to ME 15 yrs later. It must be a slow growing cancer. Lol. I spent countless hours in front of the mirror examining it. I didn't use tissue, though. I used a Q-tip! Ha! You'll be o.k. We all will.

tournesol said...

I hope you are not posting much because you are enjoying your wonderful life and being young! I had this too, wound up being a form of heartburn, went away after a course of nexxium. Does tend to return after a bout of anxiety sometimes so, maybe the anxiety is related to the heartburn too or visa versa.

Anonymous said...

glad to know im not the only one...