Pain for Sale

I have an assortment of pains to offer today.

I have face pain. Face pain under the left eye that cripples me when I yawn, tilt my head, sneeze or breathe. I’m thinking Trigeminal Neuralgia.

This face pain is accompanied by heart pain and knee pain. Both characterized by a deep aching; the knee constantly, the heart in thirty-minute intervals.

But it doesn’t stop there, I’m also being tormented by kidney pain, mole pain, breast pain, and tooth pain. Not to mention, sharp pains in the head and under the tongue.

But, it’s not all bad news, I actually think I’m making progress.

When I get a piercing pain through the middle of my heart, I don’t scream “heart attack,” I lean more towards “early sign of heart disease,” or “cheese clogged artery.” When I get an intense aching in my kidney, I don’t think “spontaneous kidney failure,” or “organ combustion,” I just think I’m headed down that road. Proudly, I’m finding myself opt for long term diseases more often than abrupt death. That’s what I call progress.

And this, my friends, is exactly what crazy looks like.